Faith. Fear. Presence. Peace.

Gripped with reality and uncertainty, fear peering over my shoulder, I am asking the Lord to make me painfully and glaringly aware of His work and His presence in the middle of all this. I pray, “Lord, what is it that You intend to accomplish through this crisis?“ Then I waver between, “Whatever it is, PLEASE DO IT FAST!“ and “DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!“

I'm afraid of “what it will take.“ Who knows? How bad will it get? When will this end? Yes, the night is darkest just before the dawn, but it's already so dark!

It isn't unheard of for the people of God to struggle, to suffer, to search, to wander... We have become so comfortable in our Western way of living that we don't even know what it's like to suffer. So much so that we have built doctrines and denominations off of the erroneous idea that children of God “should not and will not“ suffer.

Amid the anxiety and fear that raises its ugly head, I hear a song:

“Let faith rise up.

Oh heart, believe.

Let faith rise up in me.“

I hear another song:

“Way Maker, Miracle Worker,

Promise Keeper, Light in the darkness;

that is Who You are!“

These are the times when •the testing of our faith• produces perseverance. James says, “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything“ (James 1:4). It is so easy to say, “God, please make this big ugly thing go away!“ But the real key is to embrace the big ugly thing as a way for God to make us “mature and complete, not lacking anything.“ If God really is those “things“ we call Him: One Who makes a way, Who works miracles, Who keeps His promises, Who lights the darkness, then this is the time of testing where we see it happen.

Through all this, we learn of His character. Fear subsides. Faith arises. His presence comes and calms. Peace.